What to Say

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.

-Psalm 31:9

I haven't written since Hayden left this world and gained her angel wings almost 5 months ago. I just couldn't pen the words of this unbearable pain with another moment missed, another day passed, and another month passing us by.   The hardest part of losing our daughter Hayden has been living everyday afterwards without her. Although we are surrounded by love, lifted up in faith, and hope, nobody will ever understand our journey and what Tim and I are feeling. You cannot understand what you do not know and a lot of advice that people say or give that they think might be helpful and comforting, actually causes us a great deal of pain. So if there was one thing that inspired me to write again, it was to pen these words to everyone of what to say to us and other parents that are grieving and have lost their precious loved ones.

What to Say
Written by Staci and Tim Brown

Don’t ask me how I’m doing because you already know,
My heart is broken in a million pieces and all the pain does is grow,
Don’t tell us we look great though it seems on the outside,
Because you don’t know all the emotions buried deep inside,
No we will never ever be okay, you don’t just simply move on,
Would you, if it was your sweet angel that left and was gone?

We don’t talk about the things we had to witness or the pain she had to endure,
Because those are dark and horrible times we keep deep hidden that’s for sure,
It is everyone’s greatest fear to lose the child they love,
For all you have now are just memories of your child up above.

Nobody wants to be on this journey or ever asks to be in this Club
Because it is full of sadness, heartbreak, and so painful to think of,
For we will never be the same as a piece of us is gone,
Please don’t ask us if we have thought about plans to move on,
Say you are in our prayers or we think of you each day
Because honestly that is the best thing that you can possibly say.

Grief never leaves, it resides in every breath we take,
It comes in the darkness at night and every moment we wake,
Some days it’s simply unbearable, some days we just can’t breathe,
But don’t just ignore it, forget about it or turn your back and leave.
Please share Hayden’s story and say her name every chance you get,
Because she is our sweetest memory and one we will never soon forget.

Please don’t feel sorry for us or have pity in your eyes,
Even though our world is shattered and it’s something we can’t disguise. 
This world and ours is not the place God intended it to be,
It’s full of sin, loss, heartache, pain, and suffering.
We yearn for the place much better than here,
And when that day comes, it’s a time we no longer fear.

For we know it is a world full of love, goodness, and light,
Filled with ones we love and miss; angels who have taken flight.
Oh how glorious the day will be when we see her smiling face,
And get the chance again to hold her in a loving embrace.
We cherish the memories we have made and miss her every day,
But we keep the faith, hold onto hope and wait for God to show us the way.